When I initially jumped on the #selfcare bandwagon, it was after tragedy first struck my life when my best friend died (read my book to get the full story).
I was often in shambles and got to a point where I realized that nothing was going to benefit ME if I wasn’t first benefiting myself.
Grief was an enemy, depression cloaked me, unanswered questions plagued me and it felt like me against the world…only — I too was against me! I began to understand that lack of sleep, procrastination, tear-drenched pillows, and either eating too little or too much was taking its toll on me. I asked myself whether or not my best friend would approve of my behavior. The answer was NO!
My friend was all about progression, growth, enhancement, and happiness. That’s why we bonded, we had the same mindset. With her being gone it was hard to pull myself up out of the rut I was in, but I did it anyway. I convinced myself that it NEEDED to be done.
Read below to see what I did!
Set the tone for your day: If you’re like me, you need a few minutes in the morning to set the intentions for how you want to feel in a day. Once I discovered this, I began making deliberate space in my life to spend time with God before anything else. For me, this looked like:
• 4:30 am | Wake up
• 4:35 am | Brush teeth + wash face
• 4:38 am | Make some hot tea
• 4:45 am | Put on gym clothes
• 4:50 am | Turn on a worship music playlist
• 4:52 am | Light a candle
• 4:55 am | Stretch
• 5:00 am | Morning prayer & devotion
• 6:00 am | Go for a morning walk
• 7:00 am | Come home & Shower
• 7:15 am | Get dressed
• 7:30 am | Go to work
This was my schedule for a few years (I have receipts if you want proof) and it helped to ground me and help me keep my focus on the goal. At the time, the goal was anti-depression, healing, strength, peace, and non-clouded thinking. This worked for me. Find what works for you!
Create a workout routine: Although I would go for a walk/run in the mornings, I still went to the gym or did home workouts at night. Self-care is not limited to a specific time of day. Wherever you can fit in the spaces to strengthen your body, DO IT! You will be surprised how much working out does for your mental. It teaches you discipline and commitment. It shows you the reward of perseverance.
Be okay with saying no: I grew up in church with my parents as pastors, and although they taught us to be realistic and understand human nature, most people had expectations for what preachers' kids were like. I spent most of my life defying the negative odds, but on the other hand, I’d strive to meet the positive expectations. This made me someone who cared a lot about what people thought. After my best friend died, there was very little mercy for my grieving process and while I didn’t expect everyone to understand my process, I at least thought that compassion would be at the forefront. I was wrong. This helped me realize something very important: People can tell you what decisions to make, but you’re the one who has to live with the consequences. I came to understand that my choices are just that — MINE and if I’m bold enough to stand before God and live with HIS judgment about a thing, then I will be alright.
Love yourself through the pain: As I was reaching for the new, non-depressed, excited version of myself, I often struggled with not loving myself. I’d think, “Why aren’t you as bubbly or happy as you used to be?” “Get it together, this is taking too long!” “No one grieves this long, snap out of it.” All of these thoughts (and some much more hurtful) plagued me. I couldn’t understand why I wasn't feeling like myself. I remember sitting with myself one day and thinking, “You can’t sit around waiting for someone to love you, you have to do it yourself.” This “a-ha” moment not only sent me on a mission to find myself again, but it also inspired me to create a new version of myself. I understood that the broken girl was different from the little girl who felt she had the world at her fingertips. I felt powerless, broken, and tired. I started dating myself, getting to know myself, and deciding what I wanted out of life, what I stood for, and who I wanted to become. This is one of the greatest decisions of my life. You should try it too!
Surround yourself with positivity: If you’re blessed to have a community of loving people who support you and your self-care journey, that’s a plus; if not, then setting your own atmosphere is a must. At this particular time, the way my life was set up, I felt like a lone wolf. I isolated myself from people I loved because of what I was going through. In the same token, I was praying that God would send me hearts to care for mine. While I was waiting on this answered prayer, I began searching for kindred spirits in podcasts, YouTube channels, Christian television, music and anywhere else I could find. I wanted to keep my spirit high when I was feeling low and remind myself of the joy that I believed was waiting for me. I remember one day, my sister came to me and said, “God told me to be your friend.” I was shocked, but I knew it was true. We were already sisters, living in the same home, same parents, and the same background, but here she was telling me what thus says the Lord. Anyone who knows my sister knows that she’s very prophetic and intensely used my God. I took her at her word and the rest was history. We began praying together, traveling together, doing business together, and enjoying life! She has helped me through a lot of turbulence in my life and I’m not sure how I would’ve made it through if God didn’t touch her heart.
These are some things that helped me get through and they might be some things that work for you too. At the end of the day, leaning into God was my greatest achievement. Finding God in the small and great things was my first step to healing and finding strength. I pray that you try one or all of these and begin your self-care journey. It’s not an easy road, but the commitment to yourself and your growth is far beyond worth it.
It times you’re feeling weak or want to throw in the towel, remember these scriptures and write them on your heart for that rainy day:
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken. Affliction will slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. The Lord redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.”
Psalm 34:18-22 ESV
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.”
Jeremiah 29:11-12 ESV
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9 ESV
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,”
Romans 8:37-38 ESV
XOXO,
Farrah LaRaé